Why 2012 Can Be Your Best Year Ever

January 3, 2012 By

As I think about my goals for 2012 a small, self defeating voice reminds me of those things I’d planned to accomplish, but didn’t, in this last year.   Perhaps it is entirely fine that some goals were never reached and some plans never put into action.  I like to think that I did the best I could.  Instead of berating myself for what I failed to accomplish, I am forgiving myself for falling short of my goals.  Surely there must be a reason why these things that I thought I needed to do in Jan. of 2011 never got done.  I don’t know what it is at the moment and I don’t intend to spend much time analyzing the reasons because that can keep me stuck in the past. What I do intend to do is to create an inspired vision of what I’d like to bring forth in the future, in this shiny new year. 

How about you?  Can you let go of the things you thought you HAD to get done last year and move on?  It’s insidious, this inner voice that reminds us of what we oughta, shoulda, coulda, done.  How can we silence our negative internal dialog so that we can get clear and focus on creating our inspired vision for 2012?  For starters, we need to become aware of the messages we tell ourselves, witness them but not assume it is the truth.  A terrific book to help with this process is Byron Katie’s; Loving What Is.

Here are some suggestions for you to aid in shifting out of negative thinking into positive being.  Not every path or strategy works for every person so see if something clicks or resonates with you and try that. 

Quieting the mind and increasing awareness strategies:

  1. Positive affirmations.  Affirmations are positive statements that describe a desired situation, often generating a positive emotion.  It is suggested that you need to state the affirmation repeatedly to impact the subconscious mind and trigger it into positive action. The key to effectiveness is to be able to express the affirmation with conviction, desire, and a belief that it is truly possible for you. Here is a list of 100+  Self Awareness Affirmations to get you started.
  2.  Meditation practices.  Meditation is about creating higher awareness and relieving stress.  There are a multitude of meditative techniques. For instance one style may have you focus on your breath or heart beat, another may provide a saying or mantra to repeat.  Even in the midst of a busy, stressful day, you can tap into your inner quiet and take a moment to re-balance. Here are a couple of books I recommend on the subject:  Instant Meditation for Stress Relief and Leap Before You Look. Both books provide a wide variety of short meditative and awareness building exercises.  Consider taking a meditation class.  Learning from a teacher who has a long term meditation practice can be really helpful and meditating with a group can really expedite your own process.  
  3. Self Inquiry.  Sometimes we just have to ask ourselves the right questions and take time to ponder our answers.  For example, in contemplating what didn’t get done in 2011, instead of lamenting your lack of accomplishment, ask yourself what did I accomplish?  Another awareness shifting question to ask yourself is; “am I looking at what is going well in my life or am I focusing on what is going badly?”  Debbie Ford’s book;  The Right Questions is a great resource. I also recommend 344 Questions, “the creative person’s do-it-yourself guide to insight, survival, and artistic fulfillment.”

Ask yourself;  what do I really want to accomplish in 2012?  What is truly most important?  Don’t worry about the hows just yet.  Just get clear on the whats.  Write down your answers and from there, you will begin to create your future. 

Wishing you a Healthy, Happy and Prosperous New Year!

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Foster an Attitude of Gratitude

November 26, 2011 By

The day after Thanksgiving is commonly referred to as “Black Friday”.  I propose we think of it as “Light Friday” instead and bask in the glow of Thanksgiving.  It is a perfect time to reflect on all we are grateful for in our lives.   We have a family tradition of holding hands around the table and going to each person who then shares their appreciations and blessings.  Often this includes sending out loving intention to absent relatives. 

We are fortunate in our family to have two living grandmothers and one of the appreciations shared this year was just that.  Both my mother and mother –in- law are hale and still quite hearty in their mid 80’s.  As they both live in the Carolinas and no longer enjoy flying, we don’t see them often.  My daughter Nicole suggested we organize a “grandmother’s getaway” so that she could spend some time with them.  Last month the four of us had five glorious days together and enjoyed the beauty of Myrtle Beach, SC. 

I took this picture from our hotel balcony on our last morning.  There is something purely magical about witnessing the sun rising seemingly from the ocean.  I love the dawn, the light of a new day.  Each morning is a new start, a fresh slate.  You can set the tone of your day simply by appreciating it.  Every time I see this photo I will remember the great time we four had together.  My daughter and I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with the octogenarians, playing bridge and hearing about yesteryear when the world was simpler.  They find smart phones, GPS, and digital cameras to be “mind boggling” (to quote my mother-in-law).

Nicole and I listened to her grandmothers share their stories and their practical wisdom.  She and I both realized how fortunate we were to be there with them, to still have them in our lives.  As we move through this holiday season, I hope we can hold that sense of gratitude not just for our family and friends but for the larger community of mankind. 

I encourage you to foster an attitude of gratitude and spread it around.  Here are some tips to develop it:

Keep a gratitude journal.  Every day or two write down things you appreciate.  As a regular exercise, I ask my coaching clients to list 3 things they are grateful for each week.  It helps to remember that there are good things happening in our lives despite whatever challenges (like job searching), we may be going through.

Take a walk in natural surroundings.  Take time to breathe in the fragrances of flowers, the earthiness of fallen leaves or the tang of winter air.   It is very soul satisfying to just be very present to the magnificence of the natural world around us.

Write a note or letter of appreciation.  Tell people who have helped you or touched your life how much you appreciate them. Give them a recommendation, write a testimonial, or send them a card.  If you receive some of these, save them and review them when you are having a “black” day or an “off” week.  

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation”.  -Brian Tracy

Wishing you all a warm and wonderful holiday season!   -Dee 

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Making Enlightened Career Choices

July 29, 2011 By
Roads in the forest

Are you making enlightened decisions about your career?

Are you doing work that is fulfilling and rewarding? Does your current work give you an outlet to make a difference, to feel alive with purpose? If not, you might want to consider making some changes. You don’t have to do a particular job, work in soul deadening surroundings, or be “chained” to a desk in a cubicle. YOU have CHOICE! If you want to create a different career path you need to make choices that will propel you to new actions.

How do you typically make decisions? Are they based on:
• Shoulds – doing what you believe you should do
• Pleasing others – doing what others want or expect you to do
• Fear – choosing the safe route, or being afraid to make changes
• Habit and reaction – you don’t even think about what you’re doing–you’ve always done it this way

Or, are you consciously considering each decision and maintaining an awareness of these factors:
• Feeling empowered – to choose truly for yourself, not to please others
• Authenticity – you know who you are and choose in alignment with your core values
• Creative expression – you have talents and skills to share, and seek to express these through your work

To make more enlightened, conscious choices:

1. Clearly define your wants and needs. Get in touch with your sense of purpose. Listen to your intuition. Ask yourself; “Does this choice feel empowering or disempowering?” “Is this decision in my highest good?”

2. Consider your current situation and ask yourself; “Why am I doing this? What do I want to achieve?” It may be helpful for you to write down your answers and ponder them. Be more conscious of how you are spending your precious time, because this is your life passing by.

3. Stay out of the victim mindset. You alone are responsible for your life. When you accept this, you will claim your inner power and make better choices. Change often comes from nothing more than a shift in perspective.

4. Be open to new possibilities for yourself. Select one area of your life where you are unsatisfied, and choose something new, something more for yourself.

5. Simply notice opportunities as they show up. We miss so many options because we just don’t see them! Wake up and look around. You have an opportunity right in this moment to choose something new or different.

If you find you spend a lot of time in a job that leaves you tired, frustrated and discouraged at the end of the day, it may be time for “Plan B”. You have gifts, talents, work and life experiences, skills and expertise to create your next career! Identify them and search out how who needs them. Then you can make a plan to move in a new direction.

Filed Under: Career Transition, Featured, Self Development Tagged With: , , , , ,

5 Questions to Ask Yourself in the New Year

January 9, 2011 By

fireworksThe new year is brimming with possibilities to explore, good work to be done, and great things to be accomplished!  Without some sort of a plan that includes realistically achievable goals, it is challenging to live up to our good intentions.

Although I’m not a fan of resolution making, I do see the merit in setting goals to help me make changes in my life. Here are some questions I find helpful to get the process going:

1.      What am I grateful for? As you review 2010, consider the good things in your life that you are truly thankful for.  What brought you joy or warmed your heart this last year?  What do you most value that you have in your life right now?  Is it your significant other, a loving pet, a fabulous climate, a nice house, friends, good health?

2.     What did I accomplish this last year? Often people make resolutions about what they failed to accomplish without giving themselves credit for their achievements.  Accomplishments don’t have to come in the form of awards or promotions either. Did you learn a new skill? Clean out a closet that had needed it for years? Get better at being on time?

3.     What did I intend to accomplish but didn’t in 2010? Instead of beating yourself up over missed opportunities, failed resolutions or missed goals, consider their relative importance.  So you didn’t lose the weight, get your dream job, visit the Grand Canyon, get a raise, exercise more, etc.  So what?  How important were those goals?  Are they still important to you?

4.     What do I want to accomplish in 2011? Are there unfinished projects or goals from last year that you want to focus on going forward?  (see #3)  Are there new things you want to bring into your life or accomplish this year?

5.     What can I let go of that isn’t supporting me? We often put up with people, possessions, problems, and situations that aren’t serving us in a positive way.  What have you been tolerating that you can eliminate from your life?

Whether you set intentions, write out goals, or list resolutions, consider the following:

  • Who will benefit if you accomplish x/y/z?
  • Are you making a goal or resolution out of a want or a need?
  • What is the personal payoff to you if you achieve your goals?
  • How will it impact your life if you don’t achieve your goals?
  • Are you making this resolution/goal to please yourself or to please another?

May you do great things in this New Year!

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Finding Peace

December 22, 2010 By

Holiday TreeMost of us are familiar with the phrase “Peace on earth, goodwill to men.” How many of us consciously practice it in our everyday lives and what does it mean exactly?  From my perspective, peace and goodwill begin with me.  It is that internal sense of absolute quiet and calm glimpsed in those moments or gaps between the zillions of thoughts that zip through our minds on a daily basis.  Our brains are like huge computers running a multitude of programs simultaneously with frequent pop-up boxes that distract us from clear thinking.  If we can focus on the gaps between the bits of streaming information, we can realize moments of lucidity and calm.  When we are centered and connected to that inner quiet, we exude a sense of peace and, not incidentally, goodwill.

Typically in the U.S. we get wrapped up in a flurry of seasonal preparations and holiday activities; purchasing presents, decorating our homes and workspace, and engaging in social and religious activities. The holidays can be very stressful, particularly if you get caught up in trying to get everything accomplished in time. We put stress on ourselves to get all these holiday tasks and obligations completed and still manage our already busy daily lives.

Here’s a suggestion for alleviating the stress: when you notice yourself getting caught up just take a big breath in, let it out slowly and completely.  Repeat until you’ve restored a little inner quiet.  It is amazing how this simple act performed consciously can be so self-calming.  When you are at peace, it impacts everyone and everything around you.  Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to others is to be at PEACE ourselves.

When you are out and about this holiday season, look at the people around you, share eye contact, smile, acknowledge them, start a conversation.  You have an opportunity to shift the atmosphere around you. We can share an implicit appreciation of one another, or GOODWILL.   In eastern traditions this moment might be described as Namaste, which may be translated as “the goodness in me recognizes the goodness in you.”  See how many of those moments you can experience in the coming days and notice how you will be promoting, “peace on earth and goodwill to men.”

Wishing you the peace and joy of the season!

Dee


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How to Have Meaningful Work

October 21, 2010 By

Fall Tree

In autumn, the trees are shedding their old leaves and going into the sleepy hibernation of winter, to emerge again in the spring with new growth and renewed life force. As people we need to “shed” old patterns of self-limiting beliefs, habits that have impeded our forward growth, and behaviors that no longer serve us. Unlike the trees who drop their leaves based on a seasonal climate cycle, we can drop our self-defeating beliefs and behaviors at will. We have the power of choice.

Those of us who are dissatisfied with our jobs may discount our work as not having meaning or purpose. We view it as something we have to do to make money, rather than as something that has intrinsic value for our self-development. The number one reason clients come to me for career coaching is for help in finding fulfilling, meaningful work.

How do you define meaningful work? My clients frequently point out examples of people doing humanitarian work, scientists who are researching to find cures for deadly diseases, social works, teachers and others whom, by virtue of their vocations, are visibly being of service. What about the guy who fixes your car so you can safely transport your family? The engineers who ensure that you have electricity? The farmers who grow your food? Their work is meaningful, purposeful and certainly benefits others. Sometimes finding the right livelihood is not about obtaining another job, but rather it is about shifting our perspective about the work we already have.

If you’re feeling that your job is meaningless or purposeless, try to shift your perspective. To get started, ask yourself these questions:

1. What is the end result of the work you do?
2. Who benefits from your efforts?
3. Are you providing service to your community or the world in some way?
4. What values do you express through your work?
5. How do you impact others at work?
6. Is your attitude toward work mostly positive or mostly negative? Can you shed the negative?
7. What is one thing you could do differently to be of better service to your employer, your co-workers, your clients, or your customers?

“It is impossible to have a great life unless it is a meaningful life and it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.” –Jim Collins

Filed Under: Featured, Finding Your Passion, Self Development

Gremlin Taming: how to free yourself from your inner critic

September 16, 2010 By

Picture of a garden gremlinI’ve been revisiting a gem of a book; “Taming Your Gremlin A surprisingly simple method for getting out of your own way” by Rick Carson. I’ve worked with this marvelous material with my coaching clients over the last few years to help them overcome self limiting beliefs and negative self talk.  I’ve found Rick’s book so useful that today I registered for a 3 month tele-course with him to learn more “Gremlin Taming” strategies and techniques.  Here’s why I like his work and this book in particular:

  1. It is written simply, no esoteric detail or religious dogma.
  2. The author personifies the “narrator in your head” as a Gremlin who influences you. (My concept of a gremlin is like the picture above.  I found this little gray guy at my son’s house this summer just hanging out in the garden.)
  3. It is flat out full of laugh out loud bits especially the stories from the author’s personal experience.
  4. There are fill in the blank pages, like a kid’s Big Book of Fun, to help the reader with self discovery.
  5. In describing the “acts” we put on, he uses such terms as “Back to the Land Woodsman, Red Hot Mama, Pious Puritan, Hard Rocker, Damsel in Distress and Macho Man”.  (Have you met some of those folks?  Yeah, me too!)
  6. Lots of pages have hand drawn illustrations, most of which are quite humorous.
  7. The definitions are clear and easy to understand;

“Your Gremlin: is the narrator in your head.  He has influenced you since you came into this world. He’s with you when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night.  He tells you who and how you are, and he defines and interprets your every experience.  He wants you to accept his interpretations as reality, and his goal, from moment to moment, day to day is to squelch the natural, vibrant you within….your Gremlin wants you to feel bad.”

“The Natural You:  is the one inside that miraculous mass of matter out of which you are now peering.  The natural me is inside my own body, which is at this moment holding a pen.  From inside this aging sculpture of hair, eyes, teeth and limbs, the natural me is writing the words, “Hello in there”.  You just pulled in through your eyes the words, “Hello in there.”  The natural you understands the essence of my words. Your mind is busy making sense out of them.  Your Gremlin, meanwhile, is gnashing his teeth and screeching something like “This is ridiculous!” or “You’re just going to get your hopes up and end up disappointed.  Nothing’s going to change, least of all you.” Or “You need another self help book like a hole in the head.”

“Beliefs: are just opinions that we develop loyalty to, so that we can pretend that the world has at least a modicum of predictability.  Doing so helps us feel safe.  Ironically, we sometimes fight to defend our beliefs, creating anything but a safe situation.”  (so true!)

Taming Your Gremlin is both playful and powerful.  It emphasizes self inquiry and self acceptance as the keys to higher awareness.  If you are looking for liberation from your inner critic, check out this book.  And come on back and visit this blog.  I’m sure I’ll post more on Gremlin Taming as I go through the tele-course.  Here is the author’s website:  tamingyourgremlin.com

“In relationship to your (spotlight of) awareness, you can be a passenger or a driver, a victim or a participant, a pawn or a player  You choose.  Not once and for all, but in each moment of your precious life.”  –Rick Carson

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Respond To Your Calling

February 27, 2010 By

I believe that each and every human on the planet possesses a unique combination of gifts and talents that need to be expressed in the world. I view our physical being as the vehicle that houses our soul, our essence, our personality, through which these gifts flow.

What are you dreaming of doing, of creating, of finding? These thoughts are prompting you to take some action! We tend to sit in our minds complacently pondering the “what ifs” and wondering about the roads not taken in the past and years go by. Sound familiar? How about these thoughts: “I can’t switch careers now, I am too old” or “I’d have to go back to school and get a degree/training/certified”, or “the economy is bad, now is the wrong time for me to start a business”.

What are you telling yourself that is holding you back from pursuing your life’s work? Make a list, write it down and then go through each and every thought and look at it boldly and ask; “is this really true?” If your inclination is to nod your head just stop for a moment and watch the “proof” that your minds puts up. How do you know the internal dialog you are listening to is the truth? What if it isn’t? What if you could move beyond the naysaying in your brain and embrace a different perspective? Challenge yourself! What do you dream of doing, of becoming? Play around with ways you can share your talents, your abilities, your knowledge and skills with others. Who knows? You just may find yourself turning your dreams into reality!

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
That is translated through you into action,
And because there is only one of you in all time,
This expression is unique.

If you block it,
It will never exist through any other medium
And will be lost.
The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is:
nor how valuable it is:
Nor how it compares with other expression.
It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly,
To keep the channel open.

You do not have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware and listen
To the urges that motivate you.”
–Martha Graham and Agnes Demille

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Mind Map Your Future

January 3, 2010 By

I had a dream last night about being lost and confused en route to the beach. It seems I jumped in my car and thought I knew how to get to the ocean instinctively. (In real life I reside in WI so that would be quite a trick). I took a few too many wrong turns and ended up in a diner in the middle of nowhere wishing that I had consulted a map and plotted my route.

When I opened my eyes this morning with the dream still fresh in my mind, I had this flash of “Yeah, I need a map!”. As the fog of sleep receded I realized what I actually need is to create a roadmap for my life and business aspirations for this New Year. You may be familiar with the saying; “If you don’t have a destination and a map to get there, how will you know when you’ve arrived?”

In working with clients in career and life transitions, I have found the Mind Mapping process to be invaluable as a method to open up new possibilities for fulfilling work, create business plans and orchestrate life changes. It is a technique to utilize both the linear, analytical, logical side of the brain with the intuitive, creative, artistic side. Definition: “the Mind Map is the external mirror of your own radiant or natural thinking facilitated by a powerful graphic process, which provides the universal key to unlock the dynamic potential of the brain.” (from mindmapping.com)

We are taught to make lists and write or type from the left to the right in rows. The brain doesn’t think linearly, it works by association branching out in many directions from each thought.

As you think about what you want to accomplish in the New Year, you may want to access both your intellect and your intuition, the left and right sides of your brain respectively. Give it a try!

How to Mind Map:
1. Use a large piece of paper, like flip chart size or poster board.
2. Place your topic in the center of the page and work outward.
3. Use color and graphics to represent themes, associations and to emphasize.
4. Play some invigorating music to stimulate your right brain.
5. Keep your writing hand moving, if you don’t know what to write next, add color or circle words of importance.
6. Consider using stars, arrows and icons to connect different ideas or elements.

Don’t censor yourself, as ideas pop into your head, get them down on the paper. Think of this exercise as making a giant doodle with a purpose; to utilize your whole brain! Use whatever arts and craft stuff you have on hand: crayons, markers, colored pencils, stamps, stickers etc. For some visual examples and more information on Mind Mapping check out these resources:

Books:
The Mind Map Book, by Tony Buzan and Mindmapping, by Joyce Wycoff are my favorites.

Software

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From Chaos to Consciousness

November 5, 2009 By

One of the characteristics of my Myers-Briggs type (ENFP) is that I thrive on possibilities. While this is exciting and often leads to glorious bursts of creativity, it also means that I frequently find myself awash with multiple interests and too many uncompleted projects. This is also characteristic of “Scanners,” as described in Barbara Sher’s book, Refuse to Choose.

In his post this morning, Jonathan Fields asked, “are you building a body of work or a cornucopia of chaos?” My natural tendency toward pondering the possible rather than concentrating on the concrete leads me toward the chaotic side of the equation. In explaining the difference between the two, Jonathan listed several dichotomies, here are a couple that hit home for me:

• One is about progressive, conscious building within a well defined area of interest, the other is about bouncing to wherever the next perceived opportunity lies without regard to growth and consistency.

• One is about being mindful, present and proactive, the other is about being disconnected, frenetic and reactive.

I often find myself “bouncing to perceived opportunities” and “being disconnected, frenetic and reactive.” These tendencies inhibit productive work and lead to greater confusion. Here’s my take on how to handle it:

1) Recognize what is happening. When we run around trying to keep too many balls in the air at once, we may think we are being productive when we are really just being way too busy. When you find yourself being forgetful, running late, or struggling to keep track of everything, you’re doing too much.

2) Stop, look, and listen. When you notice you are in the midst of frenetic activity, stop whatever you are doing, look at your surroundings, and listen to your breathing. You will naturally shift into a moment of mindfulness. From that place of centered awareness, you can regain your perspective and chose a less chaotic path going forward.

As Jonathan reminds us, “powerful legacies rarely if ever occur in the form of scattershot, piecemeal efforts…cornucopias of chaos… no matter how fun, windswept or purposeful they seem when we’re adrift with them.”

When you find yourself moving into chaos, what do you do to shift out of it?

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